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[03 Nov 2008|10:35pm] |
well, it's been a long time. life is a trip, hey. it has been 1 day short of a month since Michael passed away. life has resumed back to normal.. whatever normal really is. there isn't a day that goes by where I do not think about him, and miss him. his service was absolutely gorgeous. there were just over 600 people there.. and, quite frankly I have never seen anything like it before. i'm still clean- hooray! haha. it hasn't been easy. i'm most definetly learning that the time in between your first and second year is the hardest. not all that sure why it is, but it just is. Dustin and I are still together. we've been through a lot, and it hasn't always been easy, but our relationship is at it's best right now, and I can honestly say we're actively working on it, and having a fucking great time. my birthday was on the 26th. it was great! Dusty threw me a party the night before, but it didn't turn out all that great because it was such short notice. nonetheless, I enjoyed myself. the day of my actual birthday, a group of about 30 of us went for breakfast, and then branched off for coffee at Starbucks afterwards. I went back to Dusty's house for a little while, and then we went to my brother's house for a family dinner. I ended up getting a new iPod touch from my parents, which was pretty cool. I totally wasn't expecting that, considering that I was planning on buying a new mp3 player the next day with the money I got from my birthday. I went to Whistler two weekend ago, and then this past weekend I went to Victoria. I'm going to Kelowna in two weeks. i'm pretty stoked.. Gail and I have been going on lots of little trips. here's some photo's since it's been awhile.  me & my baby in Penticton - summer 2008  me at Hatzic Lake - summer 2008  Dusty and I in our first couple of months together  same night!  me - sometime earlier this year  me sitting on the top of the mountain in Whistler two weekends ago  far away view of me on the mountain yeah - I don't know. life is good. i'm way tired to write in any more detail. hopefully i'll get around to it soon. I miss updating on a regular basis. |
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[05 Oct 2008|10:41pm] |
Rest In Peace Michael.
I love you so much, and I will miss you.
Michael passed away on Saturday morning at around 2AM after a 12 week long struggle with Leukemia.
October 2nd marked one year since moving in with Michael and Gail. I had a key, and was living here before Michael even had met me. It was only Gail that I met with when my Social Worker and I came to the house. That was a Friday, and I moved in Monday morning. I met Michael when I came home from school that day.
Michael,
You were always there for me, and I will never forget that. You always made sure I was looked after, and that I had everything I needed. You always had good intentions, and you always showed me love. You showed me a kind of love that I will never forget. A kind of love that has always been distorted by the other men in my life. You are an incredibly huge inspiration to me in my recovery. I'll never forget the way you would make us laugh, and all of the funnily odd things you would do. I'm going to miss our morning chats in our pajamas, and looking over and seeing you in meetings. I'm going to miss hearing you share so strongly and so passionately at meetings as well. I'm relieved that you're not in pain anymore, and that you're in a better place. Bless your soul... your kind, and gentle soul. I love you so much.
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[29 Sep 2008|07:55am] |
Life has been over the top crazy lately.
Yesterday was my 1yr clean. I made it, hey. I did it. I never, ever thought in my life that I would get this, and I totally did. It was an incredibly special day, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.
On the other hand, my Foster Dad, who is a father to me, has less than three days to live. His Leukemia has spread so rapidly, that he's near the end.
Two huge life altering things, on complete different ends of the spectrum. It's amazing what life on life's terms sometimes looks like.
I have way more to write, but I don't have the energy, or time right now. Soon, I promise.
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[20 Aug 2008|01:44pm] |
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we just had our family reunion this past weekend.
Dustin came with us.. it was great. he, my parents, and I shared a cabin for the weekend.
Dusty and I had the MOST uncomfortable bed.. so we had some restless sleep. but, good sex, nonetheless!
lots of family. lots of laughs. lots of food. lots of fun.
my youngest nephew turned 1 on Saturday! it was insanely cute watching him mash his birthday cake all over his face.
we drove back home on monday. the drive was all right. Dustin and I slept most of the way, and then watched a movie for awhile.
my parents dropped us off at my place, and then Dustin's Mom picked him up from there because he had to grab some stuff he left in my room before we left for the weekend.
i've kept it pretty low key since i've gotten back. super tired! it's been awhile since i've been home for more than a few days.
i caught up with my foster parents, because they were in LA for a little while.
on Monday night we had dinner together, and then I went to my homegroup.
yesterday I slept most of the day, and then did some stuff around the house. I cleaned my room, did some step work, and filled out an application for a new job. I also went for coffee with my Dad for a little while.
today I spent time around the house while the cleaning lady was over, and then I met up with my Dad again for a little while to have some lunch.
in the next little while I am going to be meeting Dustin to go to the gym, and then go swimming for awhile. i'm excited to see him - it's been a few days!
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[28 Jul 2008|01:25pm] |
Oh. By the way. I went to Powell River the other week.
Me, Michael, Gail, Candice, Chelsea, Val, Nick, and Margaret. AMAZING TIMES. FUCKING AMAZING TIMES. Gail spoke at the NA convention that was up there. We had a total blast. Went 4x4'n up to the lake, ate amazing food, cruised around town and made memories. We had the CUTEST little B&B cottage for the weekend. So nice.
What's not so amazing - finding out that my Foster Dad, Michael has Leukemia. It's terminal. He has less than a year. It's been a whirlwind of emotion... Especially as they start telling people. We all seem to go through waves of it, too. Some days I can't get it off my mind, and spend a lot of time crying, and other days it only crosses my mind every now and then.
The weird thing is that he's not sick at all right now. It's a good thing, but it makes all of this seem surreal.
I cannot picture my life without Michael. I think of him as a father, and he thinks of me as a daughter. I did not even meet this man before I had a key to his house. He has NEVER been anything but loving, caring, supportive, and positive. He's ALWAYS been there for me in any way that I needed.
I can't even think about Gail, my Foster Mom, and what she's going through. Michael is her life partner. They have been together for over 17 years. They met in their active addiction, and got clean together. They've built their lives together. They have travelled the world together. They made it through Michael's relapse together.
Enough writing about this. It's making me too sad. I want to enjoy the time we have left with Michael.
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